your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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