You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
