I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize