Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
