take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
