there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
