i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
