I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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