You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
