Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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