So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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