So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize