duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
