Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
