Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
