Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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