So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
