i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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