WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We had sex on a dog bed..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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