Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
