Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
