Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
