I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
