i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
