My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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