I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize