conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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