I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
