I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
