I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
