You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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