Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
