I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
