ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
