I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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