Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize