Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
