I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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