so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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