are you still at the devil's house?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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