Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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