bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize