I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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