so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
