My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
