You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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