how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
