Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
