oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
