So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
