I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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