Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize