I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
