I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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