You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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