why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My vagina is officially offended.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
