Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
operation harelip BJ is a go
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
