my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
