That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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