I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
