Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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