2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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