Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
