Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
