Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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