just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
