I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
