epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
